Finding Your Voice: Assertiveness Skills for the Chronic People-Pleaser
Let's Get Real: Finding Your Assertive Voice as a Millennial Woman of Color
Hey there! You know the drill. You're asked to do something, and even though you're stretched thin, you say yes. Or perhaps you hold back your opinion to avoid conflict. Sound familiar? Many of us, particularly as women of color, have been socialized to prioritize others' needs, often at the expense of our own. But it's time for a change. Let's talk about finding your assertive voice.
The Art of Assertiveness and Boundary Setting
Assertiveness isn't about being confrontational or aggressive; it's about expressing your needs and opinions in a respectful and confident manner. It's finding that sweet spot where your voice is heard without stepping on others' toes. But how do we get there?
Understanding Your Worth: It starts with believing that your needs, opinions, and feelings are just as valid as anyone else's. Remind yourself that you have the right to express your thoughts and set boundaries.
Clear Communication: Practice being clear and direct with your needs and desires. Instead of saying, "I don't know, maybe," try, "I need some time to think about this." Use "I" statements to express how you feel without blaming others.
Setting Boundaries: This is crucial. Setting boundaries is essentially teaching people how to treat you. It might be uncomfortable at first, especially if you're not used to it, but it's a powerful tool for self-respect.
Dealing with Pushback: Not everyone will respond positively to your newfound assertiveness, and that's okay. Stand your ground calmly and politely. Remember, being assertive means respecting both your rights and others'.
Practice Makes Perfect: Like any skill, assertiveness takes practice. Start small, maybe with friends or in less intimidating situations, and gradually build up your confidence.
Transformative Tales: Real-Life Assertiveness Journeys
Let me share a story with you. There was a time when I found it hard to say no. Whether it was taking on extra work or helping out a friend, I was the go-to person. But over time, I realized this pattern was leaving me drained and resentful. I began to practice assertiveness in small steps. At first, it was just about asking for a deadline extension or expressing a different opinion in a meeting. Gradually, I noticed a shift. Not only did people respect my boundaries, but I also felt more empowered and respected. This journey wasn't easy, but it was worth every step.
Ready to embark on your journey of assertiveness? Remember, your voice matters, and your needs are important. Start small, stay consistent, and watch as the world begins to respect your boundaries just as much as you do.
Assertiveness is a balancing act – it's about respecting yourself and others. By finding your voice, you're not just improving your relationships; you're also nurturing your self-esteem and sense of empowerment. So, let's start this journey together, where you're heard and respected, just as you deserve. You've got this!