Why we crave love from people we don’t even want?:

Let’s get real for a second. Why do we find ourselves craving love and validation from people we don’t even want to talk to? We’re out here scrolling through social media, waiting for likes from strangers, or bending over backward to impress people we barely know. But when it comes to having the deep conversations about our childhood wounds, feelings of abandonment, or attachment issues, we clam up—even with the folks who are supposed to be our closest people. What’s up with that?

The Real Root: Your Childhood Wounds Aren’t Just “In the Past”

Let’s start with where this all begins—childhood. Whether we like it or not, those early years set the stage for how we show up in our relationships today. As kids, we needed our caregivers to make us feel safe, loved, and secure. But if those needs weren’t fully met—maybe because our parents were emotionally unavailable, absent, or just didn’t get us—those wounds don’t just disappear when we grow up. Instead, they quietly follow us into adulthood, shaping how we connect (or don’t connect) with others.

Here’s the thing: these old wounds can show up in sneaky ways. You might find yourself chasing after approval from people who don’t really matter to you, or avoiding deep emotional connections altogether because, deep down, you’re scared of getting hurt. Sound familiar?

The Abandonment Wound: The Invisible Hand Guiding Your Choices

Let’s talk about the abandonment wound—a deep, raw part of you that might have started way back when you felt alone, neglected, or emotionally cut off as a kid. This wound whispers things like, “You’re not worthy of love,” or “If you let someone get too close, they’ll leave you.” So, what do we do? We chase after love and validation from people who are emotionally unavailable, keeping everything surface-level so we don’t have to risk getting hurt.

This creates a cycle: you keep reaching for love in all the wrong places while avoiding the people and situations that could actually offer you the deep connection you crave.

Attachment Styles: The Blueprint You Didn’t Even Know You Had

Your attachment style—formed in childhood—is like an invisible blueprint for how you do relationships as an adult. Maybe you’ve got an anxious attachment style, where you’re constantly seeking reassurance from people, even those you don’t actually care about. Or perhaps you lean towards an avoidant style, keeping everyone at arm’s length because the thought of being vulnerable feels too risky.

Understanding your attachment style is key. It can help you recognize why you might be chasing after love from people you don’t even want to talk to and give you the insight needed to start breaking those old, unhelpful patterns.

Breaking the Cycle: Healing Starts with Awareness

So, how do you stop this cycle? Start with awareness. Notice when you’re seeking validation from people who don’t really matter to you. Ask yourself, “Am I doing this because I value this person, or am I trying to fill an old void?” Therapy can be a game-changer here. It’s a space where you can safely explore those childhood wounds, abandonment issues, and attachment patterns without judgment.

One practical tip: Be intentional about who you invest your energy in. Focus on building relationships that are real, where you feel seen, heard, and valued, instead of wasting time on people who can’t give you what you need.